Minnesota. Finally.

We made it. We landed today at 2 AM, after sitting in delay in Chicago for almost three hours. We were told the reason for the delay was "clouds in Newark."

And for some reason many of the people on that flight were checked in manually, by comparing their names to a list that looked like it was printed out from an Apple IIc. No lie.

There is no snow in MN! This I am happy about, but it can in no way be attributed to United Airlines.

Brian and Lisa lost in the land of airlines.(Or why United can go suck it.)

12/20/06

6:00 AM I received a phone call on my cell phone informing me that “something had changed on my reserved flight.” No other information was provided.

6:15 AM I logged onto United.com to check on our flight. I checked my reservation and found nothing out of the ordinary. Since I was online, I decided to check in. It would not allow me to do so. Puzzled, I went to the main page, and entered my flight information. It was at this point that I was told that the first leg of our flight was cancelled.

6:30 AM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was received a busy signal.

6:35 AM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was cut off.

6:40 AM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was received a busy signal.

6:45 AM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. I was put on hold to speak to an agent.

6:55 AM I finally got through to an agent. (Let’s call him Agent 1, he refused to give me his name when I asked) He informed me that we could be put on a flight departing from Portland to Denver at 7:50 which would allow us to get our connecting flight from Denver to Minneapolis that evening. I told him that we were unable to make it to the airport with a mere hour in advance warning. (It’s a good thing, too. If we had been on that flight, we surely would have been trapped in Denver when our connecting flight was cancelled that evening.) The agent then began to look for flights for me. He was unable to find anything for me on Dec 21st that would get us to Minneapolis. He found a flight for the 22nd. I asked why the original flight was cancelled. He told me there was going to be a snowstorm in Denver. He put it on hold. I inquired as to the possibility of being put on a flight with another airline, as I had checked on Orbitz.com and found many flights that would get us to Minneapolis in time. He told me that that was impossible – that he could either give us a refund or book us on another flight. As the refund would barely cover half the cost of a new itinerary, that option was not acceptable. I asked to speak to a manager. I was placed on hold. I was on hold for over an hour, with the agent occasionally checking in. He kept asking me if he could protect us on the new flight. I assumed that he meant book us – he seemed to have some difficulty with English. He eventually told me that I was unable to speak to a manager, that he was booking us on the flight on the 22nd and that I should attempt to speak to a manager when things were less busy. The flight on the 22nd was booked for us (through Chicago). He told me I would receive email confirmation. The call ended around 8:10 AM. It had been made clear to me that my concerns were unimportant, and that United was not interested in making this right. Rather than any sort of understanding or sympathy, all I was presented with was an attitude of “this is a weather concern, therefore it’s not our fault, and we are uninterested in helping you.”

11:00 PM Concerned that I still had not received email confirmation of my flight, and that the online itinerary that I could find on United.com would not allow me to choose seats, and in fact said that all the seats were full, and showed a little graphic of an airplane with all the seats full. I called, and went through the phone tree. I was placed on hold. I was on hold for over an hour and then I hung up, with never having spoken to an agent.

12/21/06

11:00 AM Still concerned about not having an email confirmation and the fact that I cannot select my seats, I call again. I go through the phone tree, and when I am told I will be transferred to an agent, I get a busy signal.

11:05 AM I call, I go through the phone tree, and when I am told I will be transferred to an agent, I get a busy signal.

11:10 AM I call, I go through the phone tree, and when I am told I will be transferred to an agent, I get placed on hold.

11:20 AM I get through to an agent. (Agent 2). She is kind and lovely, and very concerned with helping me. I tell her about my concerns. She assures me that we are confirmed on the flight, and explains the reason why I cannot select our seats on the flights. She is able to go in and choose seats for us on the second leg of our journey (Chicago-Minneapolis). She apologizes for being unable to do so for the first leg (Portland-Chicago) but assures be I will be assigned seats at the airport. She says there is no way I will be bumped from the flight and assures me that it is not oversold. I am much relieved, and thank her.

1:41 PM It is 24 hours before our flight is due to leave, so I attempt to check in online. It says “We are unable to locate an electronic ticket for this itinerary. Please return to your original place of purchase for assistance and return to united.com for check-in.” I am no longer relieved or confident.

1:45 PM I call in to 1-800-UNITED-1. A new message! This is the first time the phone tree talks about Denver and extended hold times. I get through the phone tree and am placed on hold to speak to an agent.

2:00 PM An agent answers. (Agent 3). She tells me that I am unable to check in online because I have been protected on this flight from another flight. This is the same phrase Agent 1 was using before. This usage of the word protected is new to me, a certified English teacher. I don’t know what she means, and I tell her so. She says it means transferred. I wonder why she didn’t use that word in the first place. She says that it it 24 hours for the flight to be officially transferred, and that I should be able to check in online after that time. I point out to her that it has been over 28 hours since the flight was changed. She ignores this. I tell her I need to be able to check in. She says that it will take 24 to 48 hours from the time I made the transfer. I tell her this is unacceptable. She says that she will “queue” my transfer. I don’t know what this means. She tells me it has been “queued” and will be brought to “their” attention. I ask who “they” are. I ask if it would help if I went to the airport NOW and checked in. She said no, because the e-ticket hadn’t been issued yet. I begin to anticipate problems tomorrow. She says she will transfer me to “customer service,” which is odd, because I thought that’s who SHE was. She transfers me. I find myself back at the message about Denver and extended hold times. I go through the same phone tree I have been through a multitude of times. When I am told that I will be transferred to an agent, I get a busy signal.

2:15 PM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was received a busy signal.

2:20 PM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was received a busy signal.

2:25 PM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was received a busy signal.

2:30 PM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was received a busy signal.

2:35 PM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was received a busy signal.

2:40 PM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was received a busy signal.

2:45 PM I called 1-800-United-1 and went through the phone tree. When I was due to be transferred to an agent, I was placed on hold.

3:00 PM I speak with "Rachel." I tell her about the problem with not being able to check in. She tells me that the reason I cant check in online is because the Portland to Chicago leg of my flight is likely to be cancelled. I told her I didn’t understand this, as weather.com and other sources predict no snow for Chicago on 12/22. At our landing time it predicts “few showers” and at our takeoff time “partly cloudy.” She did, however, assign seats for us for the Portland to Chicago leg. She told me that she thought the problem was with the internet and asked me if I would like to be transferred to web support. I told her I didn’t think that was it, and asked her to check with co-workers or her supervisor and see if there was something else going on. I pointed out that I also had still not received my confirmation email. She then placed me on hold while she went to consult with her co-workers. When she came back, she told me that our tickets were “queued” to transfer, and they would not actually transfer until I check in at the airport, which I would not be able to do until 5 hours before the flight. She told me I would not be able to check in online at all. When I told her I would like to lodge a complaint, she told me I could speak to “customer relations.” I told her what happened the last time I tried that, and she gave me their direct number. I asked about what she said about the likelihood of the PDX-ORD flight being cancelled, in light of what I had found on weather.com. She told me it was likely to be delayed, not cancelled.

3:20 PM I call customer relations. I relate this entire story to the agent. Her accent is so heavy I can barely understand her. She tells me that she is very sorry for the problems, and asks what she can do to help. I told her what I really want is a guarantee that they will make sure we get home tomorrow. She said that United will do whatever it can within the airline, but that they will not transfer us to another airline, because this is a weather problem and not their fault. This is not what I want to hear, and not good customer service. She does offer us each a $100 voucher for use in the future. I say that that would be appreciated, and will mollify me, to an extent, so long as there are no more problems. The call ends.

Will our heroes make it to the golden land of Minneapolis? Stay tuned, gentle readers.

Eragon

I should know better. I really should.

The film ALWAYS ruins the book. Or at least disappoints.

I was really looking forward to this film, as evidenced by the fact that I went to see it opening day. I rarely do that anymore. Eragon is one of my favorite books in recent memory, and it's follow-up, Eldest, is even better.

I even bought Eragon for my mother as a birthday gift.

So imagine my disappointment when I discovered that the movie is a cheap bastardization of the book. I was concerned when I learned the running time was only 90 minutes for a book about the size of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" and I was right to be. Characters are missing. Plot points are skipped over. Major character arcs are eliminated in an effort to speed things along. And what are all these scenes with the King? He's not actually IN the book at all!

The most upsetting part for me is what they did to Brom (Jeremy Irons). He should be a complex character who is torn over his duty to Eragon, and teaches him to make decisions and the consequences of those decisions. Instead, we get a rah-rah cheerleader for the "rebel cause" who basically teaches Eragon that he is destined to be a hero and must embrace that destiny. It's just a shame they couldn't raise Alec Guinness from the dead to play the part, really. Talk about reducing a harrowing coming-of-age tale, fraught with with danger and difficult choices into a melodramatic good-vs-evil, black-vs-white tale of, well, bullshit.

Who adapted this film? Did they READ the second book? Cause if they want to make that one into a film, they are gonna have to do some serious re-writing. You can't KILL the Ra'zac. You're going to need them. And what's all this crap about dragons dying when their rider dies? And why did they never mention that Arya is an ELF, for fuck's sake? I mean, you've gone this far out of your way to get an actress that looked just like Liv Tyler already. You might as well go the whole nine.

And when did John Malkovich start to suck?

One redeeming quality - I thought Robert Carlyle was really good. I've always loved him, ever since the British TV show "Cracker." The way they changed the final fight between him and Eragon was a tragedy, and really kinda cheapened the character, but his portrayal was subtle and fun, given what he had to work with, and the absolute absence of any actual storytelling (in the book, you learn his entire backstory - and it's a whopper).

I wonder how the author feels about the film. I think Peter Buckman, the adaptor, owes him a beer. Or a nice dinner and a movie, given the way he raped his brilliant story. Of course, what should you expect from the guy who wrote "Jurassic Park III?"

If you've read the book and love it, really try to resist the temptation to see the film. If you haven't read the book - skip the film and check out some pages. Amazing book. Crappy film.

Pens

A whole week without rain.

In Portland.

I don't really know what to say about that, I'm so shocked.

I even managed to get out on the bike twice this week, working at a Middle School that was close enough to the MAX to bike from it. What was even better was that there was a bike lane that ran along the main road, so I didn't have to ride in the traffic (except at the stoplights, where my lane magically disappeared in favor of a turn lane - where exactly am I supposed to go?) This was very nice since the last time I had to ride in the traffic, I was freaked out of my wits by jerkoff drivers who would honk at me or pass to close. Um, why are you honking at me? Do you think I can suddenly put on a burst of speed? "Oh, you want me to go faster? Well hold on, let me just eat some spinach, here..." Do I freaking LOOK like Popeye? Go around me, asshole! That's why there are two lanes!

Substitute teaching in middle schools is something else entirely. I used to really hate it, and maybe I just got a cool class those two days, but I actually had a pretty good time. Sure, there were a couple of kids who got on my nerves (I'm lookin' at you, D*), but other kids were really sweet - and if they like you, they are much more likely to tell/show you that than High Schoolers. Kinda took me by surprise.

It's wierd how a 14 year old kid can kinda make your day by going out of their way to pick up a bunch of pens you accidentally knocked over.


*Man, if any of the students I teach ever find this blog, I'm so screwed.

Happy (belated) Birthday to Me

So.

I turned 31 on Thursday. 31 isn't any sort of exciting number, I suppose. It just means I'm not 30 anymore, and since I was so terrified of being 30, I guess it should be a good thing.

It was a good day - had an acting gig in the morning so I didn't even have to feel guilty about not subbing. (Granted, it paid $35 instead of $145, but there's a difference in the quality of the experience.) Spent the afternoon wandering the local mall, which I hadn't yet been to, and then coming home and doing the laundry while watching a movie (Serpico, with Al Pacino, if you must know.) Lisa came home and we went out for a nice Italian dinner and then to BW3 to play some NTN trivia. Low key, good time. Aside from the fact that BW3 can't handle a good White Russian (milk? seriously?) or a Marguerita with any kick, I managed to meet all my goals for the night, and then some. And the next morning, I didn't mind missing out on that goal, since I got hit with a cold instead of a hangover. Having both would have really sucked.

I also heard from my mother following a successful knee surgery. I didn't expect to hear so quickly, and was very relieved.

It did get me thinking, though, about birthdays past. Many days slip by us into eternity without so much as a tendril of memory sticking in our brain, but birthdays always lock in there somehow, for me. Lets see how I can do.

30 - New York. Barb was in town for the week. Did a special "Brian's Birthday" Improv show, followed by a party with a handful of friends in my Brooklyn apartment the weekend before the big day. On my actual birthday, went to a Mexican restaurant with Barb, Grace and Matt. Matt paid the mariachi band to play happy birthday for me. Afterwords Barb and I went to see the lights on the Rockefeller tree. Good times.

29 - London. Just visiting this time. Bad trip, Abi and I pretty much ended the relationship, though it took another 7 months before we made that official.

28 - London. Living there. Had a combined birthday/Thanksgiving party where I made traditional Thanksgiving food and foisted it upon my English/Scottish/French friends. Hilarious.

27 - London. First visit. Things with Abi were brand new, London was brand new.

26 - On Tour. The night of my birthday we were in a hotel in a frickin dry county in Kentucky. Laaaame. Got drunk in the hotel on stuff we brought in. Good party the night before, though. Different hotel, different town. Bar at the hotel was the local hangout for the college hotties. Not that that did us any good. Rachel came to visit, but spent the whole time with her fling, Glenn. I hung out with Nick and Arnie, for the most part. Way cool.

25 - Minneapolis. This was my "make up for not drinking on your 21st birthday" party. I don't remember much of the night. We went out to Chino Latino. Matt and Paul got me stinking drunk. I have no clue what all I consumed that night. I ended up making out with an ex-girlfriend on the back stairs of my apartment building. And I drunk-emailed Mel. That's about all I can remember. Oh, and I was really fucking hungover the next morning and missed a concert Brent was playing at Calhoun Square.

24 - Richfield. Dating Kristie. Don't remember much else.

23 - La Crosse. Still married. Still in college. Would have been working on The Actor's Nightmare at Holmen.

22 - La Crosse. Just married. Still in college. Working on MASH at Holmen.

21 - Bloomington. Home visiting for Thanksgiving. Did not drink. What a shame.

I got nothing before that. I was in college, or I was in Bloomington. Probably a lot of hanging out with Matt.

Oh yeah:

0 - This from what I've been told. I was born, 10 days late, on a Sunday afternoon following a good 30 hours of labor. Dad missed a football game. It snowed a lot.

I like that a day like "my birthday" can cause me to look back and see where I was a year, two years, etc, ago, and pinpoint it to a certain extent. Makes me thankful for the friends that have been there along the way, and who continue to be so.

Wonder where I'll be at 32?